It hasn't been her day, her week, her month, or even her year.
The woman who was my cashier at CVS yesterday was prompted by this magazine cover to ask me, in broken English - “Why can’t she keep a man? This always happening to her.”
Normally I would disregard the opinion of the person who scans in the barcodes of mascara and slim jims for a living, but she’s got a point. Jen Aniston does seem to have a knack for dating guys that don’t end up wanting to be with her (though I’m sure it’s gotta be rough when the hottest actor on earth leaves you for the hottest woman on earth and they then parade around their array of foreign babies like a living breathing United Colors of Benneton advertisement).
Well, I like to blame it on karma, karma in this case being that she was the favorite actress of an ex-friend of mine, someone with whom one of the (many) reasons I ended our friendship (other than seeing her eat her cats eye boogers on more than one occasion and feeling poorly for the next person that bought that US Weekly on which she’d smeared feline eye goop) was her propensity to force me to stand next to her in the grocery store while she thumbed through gossip mags and gushed over “Jen” and “Jen’s hair” and “Jen’s career” and try to look like her by wearing high-waisted jeans. Yeah well I dumped that Jen wannabe friend, and if the real Jennifer Aniston is anything like her, I certainly can’t blame Bradley Cooper/John Mayer/Vince Vaughn/Brad Pitt (or as I like to say, Bracoomayaughnitt), for breaking things off with the lady.
/bitchy tumblr entry
P.S. Did you like my extremely creative Friends-theme pun for the title? Other options were -
Her love life’s DOA
It’s like she’s always stuck in second gear
Nobody will be there for her when the rain starts to pour (alright, this one is bad I’ll admit)
